Silence
by infinite nemo
Summary: After it's all said and done, what will Kenshin do about his relationship with Kaoru?


^_~ For the lack of "romance" in my life, I have been inspired to make it up with fiction. And what better way is there? I control everything- there is no other say- no wrench (or wench) that can be thrown in to ruin my plans. (Yeah yeah, sorry, weird sense of humor.)

I really don't know about this and I couldn't bring myself to re-read it ^_^ hope you like! (This was written to the song "Silence" by Delerium and Sarah McLachlan

Silence

**Give me release **

**Witness me **

**I am outside **

**Give me peace **

_She calms me and shows me how life could be- should be. She believes in me, and expects nothing from me other than the simple everyday chores I so willingly perform. But sometimes- somehow, I still feel as if I am not a part of this, of Kaoru's beautiful world. I feel like an intruder, like I don't have a right to interfere. If I were not here, would Kaoru have a suitor? Multiple suitors? Would she already be marri- No. I am here. _

**Heaven holds a sense of wonder **

**And I wanted to believe **

**That I'd get caught up **

**When the rage in me subsides **

_I haven't felt like this in such a long time. I can finally believe that I can start again. Everything has been put behind me- even Enishi. Whatever happened to him, I do not believe he will come seek me again. Kaoru is beginning to expect something from me. I want to give it to her. I want to be that person. I need her. _

**In this white wave **

**I am sinking **

**In this silence **

**In this white wave **

**In this silence **

**I believe **

_I have never been able to relax. For a short time after birth, life was good, then everything was stripped away from me. Life was best with Hiko, but I was unsatisfied, and could not appreciate it. Then I merely existed in a world of rage and bloodshed- trying to create a better world for others, but never thinking of myself. Now it is finally my turn. _

**Passion chokes the flower **

**Till she cries no more **

**Possessing all the beauty **

**Hungry still for more **

_I am scared to do more than I have. What if I… ruin everything that has so carefully been built around me? Everything is so fragile. Have I misread Kaoru? Was I, am I a simple infatuation? Is it my imagination or has she been doing more things on her own? She goes out alone more, I think. Sometimes she walks back into the dojo holding a lone flower, with a soft blush adorning her youthful face. Is it the exertion from her walk? Or is it from some different sort of… exertion? I know she sometimes goes for walks with some of the boys here- she jokes about them always, telling us back at home that they are the ones providing her with the steadiest income, and they are the ones feeding us. But… is it more than a joke to her? _

**Heaven holds a sense of wonder **

**And I wanted to believe **

**That I'd get caught up **

**When the rage in me subsides **

_I don't really know what to do with myself sometimes. Even when I began living here at the dojo, I did not think I would stay. Then I stayed simply to protect the people I had formed a bond with. Now I could not go even if I want to. My soul, if I have one, has been hopelessly lost to me, kept in the possession of my fiery angel. Will she be tamed? Can I tame her? I must. She keeps my shadows and dragons at bay. Kaoru is essential to my life. _

**In this white wave **

**I am sinking **

**In this silence **

**In this white wave **

**In this silence **

**I believe **

_With all the peace and joy that comes with the simplicity of life, I grow in confidence. I am not a man who craves adventure and excitement. None of them have lived as I have. There is no glory in it. If I could go back and live again, I would do nothing different, but given the choice, I would chose a different life, to be a different man with a different path from the one I took… except for Kaoru. I don't think I could give her up. There is one thing I crave, and there is only one person who can give that all to me. _

**I can't help this longing **

**Comfort me **

**I can't hold it all in **

**If you won't let me **

_She's so beautiful. She always has been, but now even more so since she has grown up. None of her passion or exuberance have been lost, but she is more refined at times. Even Yahiko's taunts cannot always move her, though he tries still. Whether she does it consciously or not, she draws me in and enthralls me. I grow jealous and impatient watching her interact with any other male- whether they be delivering a package, or someone asking for lessons. I don't think those… boys… are up to any good. They come by far too often, and make sloppy mistakes where they know not to, staring into Kaoru's beautiful sapphire eyes as she corrects their stances. But I don't think she is affected. After every lesson, she comes to find me, to have me share in her joys and sorrows. To laugh at them with me, and I indulge, making sure I am still first. Which is how it should be. _

**Heaven holds a sense of wonder **

**And I wanted to believe **

**That I'd get caught up **

**When the rage in me subsides **

"Kenshin?"

I blink. "Kaoru-dono?"

I see a flicker of annoyance cross over her face, then something that can only be called a wry smile settle on her face. 

"I'm going to take a walk with Kikutani-kun, and visit his grandmother, so I won't be back until after dinner, alright? There's enough food for you and Yahiko, so you don't have to cook." She looks at me as if searching for something. I don't know what it is, but she seems satisfied, because she is not frowning as she turns away. "I'll see you later!"

I open my mouth to say something but my words die on my lips as I see Kaoru smile at the male next to her, closing the door. I glare at him through the wood, and wonder if he can feel it.

_ I hope so.  _

_My doubts must be put aside. I have been too complacent. I must act before everything slips through my fingers. I have done enough. I have served my country, performed my penitence, I can now collect my dues._

**In this white wave **

**I am sinking **

**In this silence **

**In this white wave **

**In this silence **

**I believe**

I have been waiting for Kaoru to return. It is now dusk, and I begin to worry. As I'm about to work myself into a full panic, the door opens, and Kaoru steps in, still looking beautiful and pristine in her simple kimono that she has been walking all day in.  Of course a fool like that wouldn't be thinking, and would let her walk home alone. But I must not let my anger control me. She is back, and that is all that matters. 

_Yes. It is time._

"Kaoru?"

She blinks in surprise to see me standing so close to her. "Yes, Kenshin?"

I take her hand and tighten my grip around it as she unconsciously tries to take it away, and I smile to myself at her blush. 

"Let's go for a walk- I'd like to talk to you."

Her eyes widen and I can see the negative thoughts crawling into her mind. I draw her a little closer, and put my free arm around her waist. She stiffens and looks at me, but I give her a blank smile. 

"Come. I'd like to go to the river and see the fireflies. I think it's time to create some new and better memories."

Understanding dawns on her face, and she relaxes into my half embrace. She goes with me willingly, a smile adorning her beautiful face. 

**I believe**

AN: How was it? Should I just put the lid on this whole songfic venture? Sorry I haven't updated in a while. There were some problems. . - Please, tell me what fic of mine you want updated!

Love me. ^_~


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